Friday, March 09, 2007

Metro, boucan, crado

Allez. Pour parfaire mon image de mysanthrope, je vais me faire un plaisir d'enfoncer le clou dans une porte ouverte.
Bénis soit les non-usagers du métro... ça doit bien faire 12 ou 13 ans que je suis un utilisateur très réguliers de ce mode de transport, mais loin d'être un fan !
Est-ce que c'est moi et ma parano vicieuse, ou est-ce que ce n'est pas de plus en plus crade et de plus en plus bruyant ?
On m'avait envoyé l'année dernière un "rapport" par mail sur l'hygiène désastreuse du métro : on avait retiré 4 sièges et on avait analysé ce qu'on pouvait y trouver : vomi, urine de rat, de chiens, traces de sperme... En fait, prendre le métro revenait à se laver les mains dans les toilettes après avoir tiré la chasse.
La vérité dans tout ça... ? Je sais pas, c'était le genre de messages qui se baladent sur le net et qui peuvent être sérieux ou bien du GN'IQ... du gniq... du Grand N'Importe Quoi, comme en vrac : "Messenger va devenir payant", "en mélangeant du dentifrice fluoré, du charbon et un reste de sandwich t'obtiens une bombe" ou "Ségolène Royal est socialiste".
Reste que de visu, le métro c'est flippant : mon travail consistait un temps, entre autres, à mesurer l'apparente propreté de restaurants ou autres magasins. En fait, on se rend compte que regard superficiel et regard minutieux peuvent tout changer.
Les gens ne voient plus rien ou quoi ? Ou peut-être simplement qu'ils s'habituent... On s'habitue à tout paraît-il. Vous croyez possible de compter le nombre de vieux chewing-gums collés sur un quai de métro ? Vous avez zieuter de près un siège de métro et essayez de déterminer sa couleur ?
Incivilité ? Ouais sûrement... Mais pas que. Sûrement qu'il y a trop de monde qui prend le métro et que c'est ingérable. Les gens sont crades aussi faut dire et prennent les lieux de vie pour des poubelles.
Autre point vraiment désagréable, pour moi, grand lecteur, limite insupportable à vivre même ! Pourquoi les gens se sentent-ils obligés d'ouvrir grand leur gueule comme ça dans le métro ? On est en société oui ou merde ? Vraiment, ça me débècqute ça !
Je reprendrais la chanson des Berthelouze et je vous demanderai de la reprendre en choeur avec moi : "Tu devrais apprendre à fermer ta gueule !"
Déjà que deux mémés racontent à côté de moi les tracas de leurs ménopauses respectives sur le mode nostalgie quand tu nous tiens : "Oh ! Tu te rappelles, dans les années 80..." c'est dur, mais elles sont autant chez elle que chez moi dans ce fuckin' métro. Mais qu'un gogol se mettent à moitié à hurler dans son portable : "Ouaaaais ! Ch'uis dans le mééétro !!" ou pire me fasse subir son rap ou tout autre soupe commerciale musicale, ça me fait vomir !
Vive l'air du tout-numérique, on peut télécharger ce qu'on veut - musique, film, jeu - et infliger ça à son voisin forfuit de siège.
Et moi dans tout ça, si je veux juste pouvoir me concentrer sur mon bouquin tranquille, sentir les embruns (hem...) sur un navire imaginaire s'embarquant pour le grand océan ?
En fait j'en suis sûr, ça fait partie d'une conspiration du bruit, pour rendre les personnes qui la subissent inattentives et abruties.

Télé partout, radios dans les centres commerciaux, dans la plupart des magasins, sur les places de marché... A méditer non ?

Ouaip... Décidément, j'aime pas les Gens avec un G, cette masse informe et anonyme, même si j'apprécie les individus.... Désolé !

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